Monday, April 9, 2012

My Personal Struggle with GOD

For the past few weeks, I have struggled with God and even doubted His existence because He did not heal my mom when we've been praying so much for her healing. The Bible is full of verses that say that all you have to do is ask, or believe, and you will be healed, yet He did not heal her. I've been searching for proof that He exists. I found many reasons why not to believe in His existence and many reasons why one would believe in His existence. I developed an understanding and compassion for unbelievers.
Previously, I viewed unbelievers as angry, stubborn people who hated Christians and didn't want anything to do with God. But, since I was going through this trial, I understood that many unbelievers have had circumstances in their lives that have led them to not believe in the existence of God. People of all religions have developed their beliefs by experiences and circumstances of their lives.

For me personally, the biggest proof that God exists is from the visions I have and the spiritual discernment that I have. When I was a child, I would have odd visions that came out of the blue that didn’t really make sense. Then the next day, or week, the vision would come to pass in real life. I asked my mom about it and she said that I have “ESP” (extra sensory perception"). That is the scientific psychological explanation, but how can it be possible? It has to come from somewhere. It has to be spiritual. It either comes from demons, spirits, or God. That is why spiritual discernment is so important.

I am so thankful for my spiritual discernment. A couple years ago, there was a man that was performing “miracles”. He was on tv and many people went to see him at his “revival”. It all looked good to the human eye, but my spirit was telling me something was wrong. My husband even believed that this man was led by God and was truly healing people. But I just knew something was not right with him. I didn’t want to be the pessimist, so I was quiet about what I was feeling. Later, I researched the man, found out that he was teaching against Biblical principals (and still does), he had an affair with another woman, and divorced his wife—all while he was “healing” people. I found out that everyone who was “healed” could not provide proof that they were. They could not provide medical documents showing that they were ill, then healed. Everyone sins, everyone makes mistakes, but to teach against Biblical principals, against what it clearly says in the Bible, was not from God. When I didn’t know anything about this man and it all seemed good, and my spirit was telling me that something was not right, then my research confirmed it, is what is called spiritual discernment.

Anyway, someone read to me a section from an unknown book recently, concerning spiritual matters, and I got that same stirring in my spirit. I felt that the author was in his own world and what he was saying was not from God. I later found out that the author was the same man.  It had not even crossed my mind about who wrote the book at first, but after finding out the author, it made sense why my spirit stirred.

Last year I had a vision of a quilt that said, “With God, all things are possible”.  I knew the vision was from God because I would never have thought about making a quilt.  I made that quilt for my mom. I had never quilted before, so that was an experience all on it’s own. When I have visions, they are like a flash, out of the blue.

Last night I had another vision. It was my mom. She was sitting on my aunt’s couch, with one leg under the other, bent, and her other leg was moving back and forth (like when people are sitting for a long time and they get antsy). Her left arm was propped on the arm rest. She was wearing her black jeans and light blue denim button-up shirt. Her hair was long, and she looked healthy. She was smiling really big. I cried when I saw this vision. Again, it’s like a flash when I see these. It’s not when I’m thinking about something. It’s not like when one daydreams. I told my husband about it and he said to hang onto it. I wish I was a good artist so I could paint it just how I saw it.